"How can you call yourselves I Heart Guts if you don't have the gut?" one of our observant customers once asked us. Excellent question. Well, we're pleased to announce that the next batch of gutsy plush pals will feature several major digestive system players -- from left going clockwise, bladder, spleen (not a digestive system player, but hey), intestine (note the appendix at lower left!) and stomach. I won't lie, I am really fond of the bladder and have been dying for him to come out. I only wish he was a squirting bath toy. Another good reason to visit us at Wondercon in San Francisco at the end of the month is a chance to fondle these new guts in person before they come out in late March. We're also rolling out a new limited-edition plush, the Black Heart! This sad little guy was supposed to be an anti-Valentine's Day plushie, but between getting them tested and getting them paid for with credit as it is, this Black Heart is going to pass over Valentine's Day altogether. Which is appropriate, I guess. All these guys are child safe, but if you give your child a black heart, you might have some problems.
While we are all about love over here at I Heart Guts, we realize Valentine's Day is not a great day for everyone. It's hard to forget the sting of broken-heartedness or the annoyance that happy couples can create on this day o' lovin'. So let us offer up the I Heart Guts official Anti-Valentine's Gift Guide! Nothing says "I Hate You" like giving someone a venereal disease for Valentine's Day, so hop on over to Giant Microbes for a dose of the clap, HPV and good ol' herpes (pictured at left). It's easier and slightly less disgusting than picking up said diseases from someone at your local bar. Youdoodolls are a great way to punish those you don't love by creating a mini-effigy. Spit on it, stick pins in it, do what you will to feel better about that breakup. We of course will selfishly offer up our own coal-colored sad Black Heart for those of you not feeling the love this February. Give it it yourself -- your ex doesn't deserve anything. Made of patent leather, so you can easily wipe the vomit off should some canoodling couple cause you to hurl with their smug happiness.