It's what you've been waiting for... here are our step by step instructions on how to make your own uterus with a secret compartment, or turn it into a heating pad!


ToolsUterus, seam ripper (that weird fondue utensil lookin' thing), thread (pink or red), scissors, pins, 6 inch (or longer) invisible zipper, and scrap fabric (to make a pocket).

Difficulty: Hard (i.e. annoying).


Step 1: Rip out her side seam! Use this step to get out any rage or irritation from the day. Start at the bottom and work your way up. Be careful not to rip the actual fabric.

Step 2: Once the seam is open, you're ready to put in the zipper. Open your invisible zipper. If it is too long, cut the ends so that it is about 5.5 inches long. Next comes the most annoying and laborious task: pin the zipper so that you can sew it without going totally crazy. This is the hardest part. If you want/need to ask an experienced seamstress or tailor to do this for you, go ahead. This site will walk you through how to install the inside zipper. Basically, you want to pin it so that it lays in what was the side seam.

Step 3: Once the zipper is in, you'll need to hand sew the seam on both sides of the zipper.

Step 4: Now insert a pocket. Use any scrap fabric (old pillow case?), sew a semi-circle around it, and hand sew the edges to the inside of the zipper. You can make your pocket as big as you want, but keep in mind, the bigger you make it, the more stuffing you'll need to take out. You'll want a bigger pocket if you're turning your uterus into a heating pad.

Step 5: Take out the necessary amount of stuffing so your pocket fits inside the uterus and can be filled with your secret goodies. 

If you've stuck with me, through my not-so-specific-instructions, you're now ready to stuff your uterus with PMS emergency goods, secret stashes of candy, or anything else you need to keep out of the public eye. If you're making a heating pad, fill the pocket with rice so you can heat up the uterus *briefly* in the microwave. Or pop in a freeze pack if you want a cooling effect. Extra step for heating pad uterus: please remove the wire from the fallopian tubes before putting in the microwave, unless you want lightning in your kitchen!

Uterus Song from Wendy Bryan on Vimeo. A highlight of the New York Now show was meeting Magnetic Poetry founder Dave Kapell, who surprised us all by writing a song all about the uterus and serenaded our pink and fluffy one at the show! Dave started Magnetic Poetry as a songwriting tool for himself, and he is quite the accomplished ukelele player. Needless to say, our uterus enjoyed being the center of attention, and we all loved Dave's surprise performance in the depths of the Javits center. Watch the video or read the lyrics below and thanks, Dave! The Uterus Song Song by Dave Kapell "All the people on this bus Lived inside one of us Half of them now carry us Did you guess the uterus? "Sometimes we make ladies cuss When we get all crampy us Sorry, girls, for all the fuss You can thank your uterus "Making babies, shedding walls Turning into cock and balls Yes, that's right, every boy once had us "We've been blamed for craziness Hysteria was named for us Now it seems hilarious Funny thing, the uterus Generous uterus Fabulous uterus Wonderous uterus"