While we are all about love over here at I Heart Guts, we realize Valentine's Day is not a great day for everyone. It's hard to forget the sting of broken-heartedness or the annoyance that happy couples can create on this day o' lovin'. So let us offer up the I Heart Guts official Anti-Valentine's Gift Guide! Nothing says "I Hate You" like giving someone a venereal disease for Valentine's Day, so hop on over to Giant Microbes for a dose of the clap, HPV and good ol' herpes (pictured at left). It's easier and slightly less disgusting than picking up said diseases from someone at your local bar. Youdoodolls are a great way to punish those you don't love by creating a mini-effigy. Spit on it, stick pins in it, do what you will to feel better about that breakup. We of course will selfishly offer up our own coal-colored sad Black Heart for those of you not feeling the love this February. Give it it yourself -- your ex doesn't deserve anything. Made of patent leather, so you can easily wipe the vomit off should some canoodling couple cause you to hurl with their smug happiness.
Do you go together like Brain and Pituitary? Or is it a Placenta and Uterus kind of relationship? Find the Colon to your Rectum over at iheartguts.com, we've got the perfect pair of plush organs for your Weird Valentine! Not everyone likes dewy roses and stuffed bears. Here's an actual gift note written by one of our actual customers: "Nothing says Happy Valentine's Day like a healthy smiling Bladder!" Why say "I love you" with chocolate and diamonds when you could say it with a kidney and bladder? Pssst... Just a heads-up: Feb. 4th is the last day for cheap 1st class shipping with Val's Day delivery!